warning: rant

I'm trying to blog today without pictures...
a real challenge for me, as I have to get those writing-gears in motion in my brain.
Ha!

So lately,
well, to be perfectly honest, I have had quite a few really frustrating days lately.
I hesitate to write about it because I'm not aiming to get a lot of 'sympathy comments' but if my aim is to be honest, well, there it is.
Just this morning I was just trying to vacuum up the incredibly messy floors but was unsuccessful due to several attempted assaults by Mekaia and my dear baby's strong aversion to vacuums of all kinds...she was SCREAMING at the top of her lungs, and she is my quiet, content one who hardly ever cries. So I got the broom out to finish the job. But seriously, all of this just to get my floors clean?

Between in-fighting among the siblings (ok, mostly just the two who are of fighting age, although Mekaia does try to fight with Matalena...it's rather one-sided though), whiny children, teething baby, noses running like faucets, did I mention whiny children, constant interruptions to my necessary daily tasks, lack of sunshine, and other run-of-the-mill annoyances I have been near tears or had serious concerns about my mental health more than a few times.
I'd say the biggest issue has been attempting to discipline the kids in an effective way, especially Mekaia, as he is at a difficult stage. Yes, another one. Ha! There are times I'm just at my wit's end with him (and I'm not talking about that happy place on Adventures in Odyssey). I have been trying to clamp down on the yelling. Yep, my own.
Also, there were 2 trips to the dentist last week, and another 2 this week, for myself and Lesina. Oh joy.
Most of the bad days were last week; my weekend was actually pretty good. And I really can't complain, compared with the difficulties that many people face on a daily basis. I just really didn't 'deal' well last week.
And I had HELP! I was telling my Mom that it wasn't the best couple of days, and she reminded me that she had Mekaia for 1/2 of one of them....yes, Mom, and that is how BAD it got...I totally need the help that I have, and sometimes even then I am on the brink of insanity!!
Now that I've bared my soul to you, blog world, please know that yes, I am fine, and yes, I am clearly weak and pathetic for not being able to handle 'normal reality' at times. But ah, it does feel good to vent!
Somewhat related to this, but not completely, I have been battling me, myself and I...I think being a mother brings us to the point of self-sacrifice quite naturally, though it is still painful. But there always tend to be areas where I want to do what I WANT TO DO even though I know God is calling me to something else. And in order to obey, I need to come to the point of dying to my own desires. So, yep, working on that, and NOT there yet. Anybody out there reading this there yet? Ha!
As I was thinking about it this morning, I considered the possibility that sometimes people, Christians in particular, in the midst of their 'struggle' with self, decide (consciously or not) to put their 'self' in the place of God and call it God. Their God wants what they want. His ultimate goal is their total happiness. He wants them to be fully satisfied in every part of their life, and if they're not, they may do as they please until they are. If they don't like His rules, they are free to make up their own. After all, they have named their own 'self' God...so why would they not determine their own moral code and follow a 'choose-your-own-adventure' type of theology. They're god so they call the shots.
Don't get me wrong, if you choose to live this way, that's your choice...just realize that it is your 'self' that you are calling God, and not God Himself.

Wow, what a rant. I'm so sorry to subject you to this. But then if you don't like it you can just stop reading can't you (0:
In conclusion to this uplifting and delightful piece of literature, I leave you with a piece of Scripture to ponder, perhaps to hum to yourself over the next hour or so...

1 These are the words of the Teacher, King David’s son, who ruled in Jerusalem.
2 “Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!”
And it goes on...
3 What do people get for all their hard work under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again.
6 The wind blows south, and then turns north. Around and around it goes, blowing in circles.
7 Rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then the water returns again to the rivers and flows out again to the sea.
8 Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.

9 History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new.
10 Sometimes people say, “Here is something new!” But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new.
11 We don’t remember what happened in the past, and in future generations, no one will remember what we are doing now.

12 I, the Teacher, was king of Israel, and I lived in Jerusalem.
13 I devoted myself to search for understanding and to explore by wisdom everything being done under heaven. I soon discovered that God has dealt a tragic existence to the human race.
14 I observed everything going on under the sun, and really, it is all meaningless—like chasing the wind.
15 What is wrong cannot be made right.
What is missing cannot be recovered.

Our pastors started a series on Ecclesiastes yesterday, and I think it's going to be really good. Not a fluffy, happy type of book, but you know, important in it's own way. To teach us that life apart from Christ is meaningless, and only He can right what is wrong with our hearts...not pleasure, riches, psychology or OPRAH's new age ramblings! Ha!